So, for those of you that know me you’re probably wondering…”what in the world is that strange little woman up to”? Well, I’ve decided to create a lifestyle blog. This blog is about what happens when plan B,C, and D go wrong and how to find joy in plan E. It’s my quirky twist on this crazy world. A comical journey by exploring my yoga adventures, food, anything up and coming (i.e. music&arts….go karts), more food, product reviews, and inspiration through the eyes of a yogi cynic. I welcome you to share your stories of inspiration, then share mine with your friends and family. Please, suggest places to go and things you’re curious about that are health related. I will gladly try it, take pictures, give my honest reviews, and mostly I hope it’s food…(free is for me)
Laugh with me, or at me. As long as you smile and gain new perspective on your day, I’ve made a difference.
A little about me, I’m a South Jersey girl born and raised. Like most in the area I have a huge family with three other siblings. As for birth order I’m number 2 of four (because I’m the sh*t!). You may get to know my siblings because the odds of them staring in my zainey adventures against their own will is about 500%. They might resist, but that is what duct tape is for….heh…heh……heh….love you Joe, Josh, & Beth…;-). I’ve been a dancer my entire life but like most, I ran into a few major speed bumps. Have you ever heard the saying “you stop growing when you reach perfection”? Nonsense. I know I’m awesome but I could have used a few extra inches. Not sure why my body was too lazy to keep going to a socially acceptable height. Then there were literal speed bumps…I developed into a beautiful curvy (busty) woman. While Kimmy K rocks it, these attributes are not seen as an advantage in the dance world. As a teen, learning to strap everything thing down, and then put on a skin-tight costume, and be confident…uh…yea…about that. You try to be graceful in spanx. Let me know how that goes. Truth be told I had terrible body image issues as a teen and most of my adult life. All self-imposed. All ridiculous. Leading to some really fun depressive episodes spanning weeks or even months.
I drifted through college as a social work major, loving the schooling but not necessarily enjoying the practice. I was a dance teacher at the studio I grew up in and had a niche working with kids. It didn’t take long for me to realize that it was more than shuffles and tendu’s. These chickies were just like me as a kid. Completely sensitive to every word my dance teacher uttered, then computed through my hormone crazed mind, and etched into my brain as fact. (EARTH TO TEENS….ADULTS SAY STUPID THINGS ALL THE TIME AND ARE JUST AS UNABALANCED AS YOU ARE…IF AN ADULT SAYS SOMETHING THAT UPSETS YOU…TALK TO A TRUSTED ADULT ABOUT THE SITUATION TO GAIN A LITTLE PERSPECTIVE). Everything I did affected my little chicks so I tried my best to make my student’s feel as confident and beautiful as dancers, and people. Now this kinda work, I could get down with. Why didn’t I stick with it long-term? Confidence was a major problem, not recognizing that my depression had stunted my journey, and still I felt that growing up meant finding a meaningful relationship, being the perfect girlfriend so that I could get married, and getting a desk job to pay the bills….if anyone else is becoming bored with that thought stream…join the club.
Oh, by the way none of that crap worked out. No meaningful relationship, not the perfect girlfriend, not getting married, I had the desk job….it barely paid the bills (whomp whomp).
I was treading water emotionally, mentally, and just keeping my nose above water with no land in sight. My life needed some major changes. Cue the wrecking ball…Miley Cyrus style break down in 3…2…1….
My relationship of 9 years came to an abrupt end. My entire world stopped. Over a boy. Friends chose sides. Every aspect of my world changed and I had no say. People I loved and trusted for years were instantly gone. To say it was an easy transition would be like saying Godzilla would make a good house pet. I was devastated and paralyzed by my own emotions. It was awful…..at the time.
***thank you to my friends and family who literally held the pieces together and fought to help me get better. A super special shout out to Mama Malench, Beth & Jenna. I have no idea how I would have started this amazing journey without you. (and Maizey)
Enter GROUPON. I love you groupon. Finding me discounts on things I want. And I do want ALL THE THINGS. I bought a 10 class package to Peace , Love & Yoga. Being a cynic and obviously in peak physical condition I was thinking….I hope this doesn’t blow. I give it two classes before I’m the yoga master. I can already touch my toes and I don’t need some hippie telling me that I need to be a tree to find peace. Instead, I was terrible….come to find out I didn’t even know how to breathe correctly. Thought I had that shit mastered….WRONG. But I became an addict. However, I prefer the word junkie, it designates a certain desperation and classiness that truly defines my need to practice. Natalie told me things like “this is where I was meant to be”, and to “create the peace I want to see in the world”.
I did something I don’t usually do. I listened. I learned. I began to love myself. I became me. Someone whose voice I locked into a little box and verbally abused for years telling myself that I was stupid, I was the problem, I wasn’t worth love. I wasn’t funny. I stopped being the abuser and started to heal. I started to turn my facebook page into a place of positivity using the motto “fake it till’ you make it”. I wasn’t happy but if I retrained my brain the think positive. Eventually it would be. (Thanks Natalie). Then I had other people telling me that my post’s make them laugh too! #win. I no longer accept people (or thoughts) that are cancers in my life. I cut that shit out like Michonne Walking Dead style with a giant sword. No longer do I take friendship applications from Debbie Downer. Keep it steppin’ loser.
I’ve decided that no one will give you happiness. It starts from within, then permeates your aura and infects others. No std test required, no dripping, burning or blisters. This infection simply rocks your soul. (if it does burn/drip or blister than consult a medical professional)
Not all post’s will be this sappy but I thought a little perspective on where I’m coming from would be a great kick off.
I leave you with a quote from the song “you’ve got time” by Regina Spektor…..
“taking steps is easy, standing still is hard”
Standing still is so hard. Not have a clear direction or goal is scary as hell. I encourage you to start taking steps even if they are itsy bitsy. Like a whore in AC that is obviously wearing heels that are too high to walk in. And just like that little suburban girl who has morphed into an AC hussy for the night you will have blisters, you will beg someone to carry you, it will be totally uncomfortable and it will take you foooorever to get anywhere. However, at least you are moving, and those heels are hot. Let me borrow them sometime? Trying new things will lead you to your journey. I promise. Try it with me sometime. I’ll take pictures of us falling and/or stuffing our faces, and paste it all over facebook. All so we can help inspire someone else to do the same.
King Pigeon in Hilton Head SC
Peace, love & pigeon,
lil’yoga junkie
lil'yogajunkie 