Where is that F***ing horse?

Citizens of the Cyber Cosmos! Hibernation was wonderful. Apparently Lil’yoga junkie turns into some sort of furry woodland creature during the winter. She burrows under her blankets, watches way too many episodes of the real housewives, and stops writing witty passionate adventure stories about a chubby girl getting her happy on in Jersey.

PUMP THE BREAKS!

There are so many things wrong with this…first and fore most…why am I talking about myself in the third person? I’m not Mugatu. Obviously.

Secondly, have you ever had a vision of who you wanted to be that was so intensely exciting, a job that you loved far more than anything else in this world. Then ended up watching the real housewives instead? Those women look like science fair projects. It’s creepy, yet beautifully memorizing. I completely agreed with these ladies Ziggy should be allowed to vote for office. This shit is important.

Then I cracked. I became Sasha from The Walking Dead and screamed “THIS IS WHAT YOU PEOPLE CARE ABOUT”?! (Crazy eyes and everything). Then I bravely turned off the TV. I guess taking on characteristics of PTSD casserole break-down Sasha is better than becoming SCarol any day. Yes, I’m comparing my suburbia boredom to surviving the zombie apocalypse. It’s in tents people. Get it, in TENTS.

The point is that I lost my path. A giant flaming bus crashed on the road in front of me and I pulled out the marshmallows to settle in.

Then I said to myself. Where is my fucking horse? The point is, we all lose our way. We get distracted. We get lazy. We don’t follow through when we should. The winter is thawing out and so am I. I learned something very important about myself. When something gets hard. I retreat. It’s my sanity defense mechanism. When I feel like I could potentially fail. I bail.

Essentially my escape plan is everything I fight so intensely in my writing. Does that make me a liar or a fake?

No, it makes me human.

What is most important is that we find the horse. We find that horse and work one more second towards making tomorrow awesome. I’m ponying up. Scheduling the adventure, finding new places to share with you. It’s going to be a great summer. Stay tuned.

Btw, I missed you.

Love,

LYJ

PS, if I’ve learned anything from TWD, don’t leave your horse with zombies. By zombies I mean people, emotions, events that take you away from your mission to be completely fucking awesome. Zombies suck.

Nobody puts Baby in a corner.

 

 

Except Alex Mill. He put baby in a corner…and I liked it. I’m also a glutton for punishment but that’s another story. Who is Alex Mill? Let’s not get it twisted…this isn’t the opening to the fourth installment of 50 shades of Grey.  Alex is a friend, a Buddhist Monk, life coach, writer, illustrator, and yoga enthusiast. He’s also an avid Buddhist meditation teacher. Which is what brings me into his world today. Much like the aforementioned Mr. Grey, Alex is a tall man that exudes kindness and a certain amount of uncanny mystery. Unlike Mr. Grey, Alex is not focused on material possessions.  The exact opposite in fact. The first story he relayed to us is of his former life, he was “successful” in the mainstream working definition of the word.  He had a steady girl friend ( DOH! stone cold fox) (wait…can I talk about a monk that way?) …a “great” job, an apartment in the city, and an every growing CD collection. Yes folks, CD collection. If you are under the age of 20, a compact disc is a small disc used to store media. They look like DVD’s but are for music. I digress, former Alex was obviously a 90’s hot shot. Livin’ the American dream. I’m not sure why, but I picture former Alex and former Alex’s’ girl friend wearing shoulder pads and carrying cellphones with extendable antennas. By the way, if you need a more cynical view of the American Dream, revisit the Great Gatsby by Fitzgerald.  Again, focus. We are still talking about former Alex. One day former Alex followed his lady friend into a small trendy shop in the city. He picked up a book. This book, these words, quite literally changed his entire life. As he thumbed through the pages he thought “this is exactly how I feel” his feelings that at the time he did not have words for. The book was about meditation, and searching for contentment in your life journey. Fast forward 14 years in a monastery with some living squeezed in between and now he is here. Living in the moment and sharing the tools for an emotionally satisfying life through the principles of meditation,

If you are questioning why I am taking this workshop then obviously you did not read the first paragraph. I can be slightly distracted. Similar to Dori from finding Nemo…if you jingle keys, or hold up something shiny while you are talking to me. Game over. I’m not listening. Meditation should be a requirement for people like me.

First, Alex made it very clear that the main goal for this style of meditation is to master being present in the moment. To be free of distraction and have the ability to sit in silence for a certain period of time. If a thought came to mind we acknowledged it, then let it pass. The first five minutes of this workshop was torture. The others entered serenely and took their seat facing a wall and all I could think of was how much I wanted to chat with everyone around me. Coming in as a writer my mind is racing with idea’s and he is telling me to let these thoughts pass. SHHHWAAAA? But, this lil’yoga junkie is always prepared, brought her handy dandy voice recorder . So let those thoughts pass I did (BTW I deleted the recording as soon as I got home by accident ::facepalm:: technology fails are typical for me). Anyway, being able to follow his verbal cues and release the constant chatter in my mind was like a wave on a jersey beach in August, the thought came racing  up to my toes along the waters edge. Finally warm enough that the short run in with my toes didn’t cause immediate hypodermic shock. Then the wave retreated back to the ocean. Again, and again, and again. Did I mention that I struggle with anxiety? Dealing with repetitive thoughts isn’t a once in a while thing. It’s a 24/7 job. Finding a method to quickly cope with the rushing thoughts instead of reaching for the candy jar (and by candy jar I mean meds) is a nice change of pace.

There are many styles of meditation. There are many misconceptions about meditation. I could write a full dissertation about both of these topics but I’m going to give you the cliff notes because that was more my style in high school…reading is for geeks. Now the writer is insulting her audience…this is going well… Anyway, I’m not extremely well versed in the many styles of meditation but I can say that each technique has a purpose or end goal. For example, Yoganidra sometimes referred to by Western culture as guided imagery has a proctor to orally guide you to a certain goal, such as focused thoughts, relaxation, or sleep may be some of the desired results. Buddhist meditation brings the end goal to being present. This style aims to eliminate any outside distraction (sights, sounds, smells) and find true silence. When one can attain this silence, they also will be able to truly understand themselves. Very quickly, some common misconceptions….not all meditation is religious, there is no chanting, no mention of deities or any tie to religion period. Think of it this way, all Buddhists meditate, all who meditate are not Buddhists.  Just like, all Christians accept wine as a symbol of the blood of Christ. Not all who drink wine are Christian (does that make sense?). Also, meditation will not lead to levitation (this disappointed me a bit too).

So what will this practice actually do? Increase your focus, lower your blood pressure, give you the ability to have an open mind, help boost your immune system, give you more perspective on life, reduce anxiety/ depression and much much more. Alex coached us through an activity where we had to share envision how we wanted to feel all the time. Then he had us share that feeling in one word. My word was luminous, I want to glow from the inside out and let others feed off of it and feel the same way. Then, after a minute I felt shame. It almost brought me to tears because I know that the reality is that the little monsters in my tummy make me feel like I’m not good enough. Like I haven’t achieved or finished a check list of accomplishments that would entitle me to feel this way. It’s bullshit. Logical me knows this. Logical lil’yoga junkie knows that she is awesome and deserves to be happy. Meditation is going to help me squish the little monsters in my tummy (this is an excellent book btw) and for that I am thankful. I will follow the steps given to me by Alex. I will practice my meditation at a beginner time of 5 minutes a day and continue down my path to forgiveness, happiness, and contentment. One breath at a time.

Thank you Alex for sharing this amazing gift with me.

 

Alex Mill teaches a beginner’s meditation workshop on the first Sunday of every month. You can find out more information and register at http://www.peaceloveyogavineland.com. Graduates can then take his weekly class on Friday evenings at 8:30 pm.

What to wear: loose comfortable clothing. Yoga attire is not required.

What to bring: a pillow, blanket to sit on, some water and a chair if you are unable to sit on the floor for long periods of time.

Peace, love, and pigeon.

lil’yoga junkie

Center City Yoga. No, you do not need to bring a gun.

While reading this entry I want you to remember how important it is to trust your own journey.

Sometimes when you know a person as a child, and not as an adult, they stay that ten-year old version of themselves in your mind forever. This is how I thought of Katy Pringle. We met as lil’chicks at the Arts of the Dance Centre’ (yes, the last word is spelled correctly).  She was a year younger than me, a little string-bean with straw blonde hair and a 10,000 watt smile. Fluttering around the studio with her bestie Amanda for years.  We were awkward N’Sync lovin’ frizzy haired weirdo’s but as for hopes and dreams and a future, I would have never predicted that our paths would be so closely intertwined. Honestly, I had no idea what she was up to after graduating from high school. I knew she was a little smarty pants and went away to college but we never kept in touch. About a year ago, before I became the yoga enthusiast I am today,  I shadowed her best friend Amanda, an occupational therapist. I needed volunteer hours to apply to OT school. It didn’t work out as planned…(those who never fail never succeed right?). While hanging with Amanda we would talk about what Katy was up to, and going to one her yoga classes at South wind Vineyard.

PUMP THE BREAKS! I know someone who not only teaches yoga, but it’s at a vineyard….with wine….and delicious cheese. This was every white girls dream. Yoga + wine + cheese, cue the angels singing. I planned on getting white girl wasted, stuffing my face with cheese, and striking a pose with my friend Pinot and Chardonnay.

Amanda and I still haven’t made it out to the Vineyard together, life got in the way. I’m coming for you Amanda!

Fast forward 8 months, insert facebook invite “Center City Yoga” with co-owners Katy Pringle and Tony Zappariello. I squealed like a little piggy. Another ADC woman doing big things! Once I got over the initial envy of knowing someone younger than me owns their own business I gathered up the courage to attend a class. I even shimmied out of work early for the occasion. I attended the 6pm power class on Wednesday evening. Located directly across from city hall on Wood Street, ground level in a business suite I saw her sign “Center City Yoga” with a circle graphic around it that looked like Rafiki thumb swipe across Simba’s head. Then there she was, little Katy was no longer little. Tall, beautiful smile and bright blue eyes ready to welcome me into her studio. On top of all the other things that make her completely incredible she also radiates this positive energy that I fed off of like a leach. Some things in life aren’t fair…you get to be talented, successful and gorgeous? My insecurities made me feel a little out-of-place. That initial anxiety faded as soon as the three of us started chatting. Tony is this wealth of knowledge, we touched on the topic of religion in yoga and then he sent me a webpage so I could look into the history (thank you Tony!). On top of being the co-owner, he is also a teacher at Center City Yoga. I could go on and on about him as well. In the few minutes I spent with him I could tell that he is truly an asset to our local yoga community and I can’t wait to take a class with him (and pick his brain a little).

As many old friends do, we started to catch up. I learned that she attended West Chester University and graduated with her BA in exercise science with the hope of getting in to a Physical Therapy program. But much like myself, life had other plans. While in college she started taking a vinyasa class on campus and again,much like myself, it was true love. One thing we both learned early in life is that life is full of disappointments but it just meant that we were meant for other adventures. She reassessed her direction in life and found her calling as a teacher. She attended the teacher’s training program at Fitness Yoga Studios in Mullica Hill, NJ and began teaching a variety of vinyasa classes around south jersey.

Another philosophy me and Katy have in common is the idea that yoga is for everyone. I find that people can be intimidated to start a yoga class because they fear they aren’t “flexible enough” or they aren’t the “right body type”. I used to take class next to a guy who was an easy 300 lbs and he rocked it! It also gave the teacher an opportunity to learn what works with people of different sizes and body types. THERE ARE NO EGOS IN YOGA. We are all about bettering our own practice. The teacher is there for guidance and support.

Even Katy, who could easily be a prissy princess about her astounding ability is solely focused on improving her student’s practice. During class we laughed about my short arms (disadvantage) and then joked about my lack of hamstrings (advantage). It gave her a chance to figure out how I could use these elements to my benefit. I think one of her major strength as a teacher is her education. She understands how the body is meant to move through space and can give specific directions on improving a student’s technique.

Her physical practice is well versed and ideal for beginners.  Think of it this way, a home needs a strong foundation to stand. Same for your practice. In addition to her all levels class she also teaches a power class. What is a power class? A power class focuses on strength building flows that incorporate balances. She tempers the class to the student’s ability in that session. Power class DOES NOT EQUAL crazy yogi pretzel time. It’s meant to shake up your regular routine. Personally, I hope she brings her hot yoga practice to Vineland. There is nothing more gratifying at the end of a work out then being soaked in sweat and smelling like a gym sock. Kinda makes me feel accomplished.

::HINT HINT NUDGE NUDGE::

Katy, you may be a typical yoga hottie but you are also one of the most insightful teachers I’ve taken with. I am so grateful that neither of us ended up in grad school (our bank accounts are even happier that we did not go to graduate school). This is obviously where you are meant to be. In this space, in this time, helping my community experience the benefits of yoga. It’s beautiful. Namaste’.

FYI, even perfect Katy has a pose that she avoids and cringes at the thought of doing. Camel. She hates camel. Then she tells me, it’s probably because she needs that pose the most.

Katy, doing her favorite yogi pose Dancer. ❤ her.

I invite you all to check out Center City Yoga’s class schedule on facebook at https://www.facebook.com/CenterCityYoga 

P.S. They aren’t just Yoga! CCY offers Pilates and children’s music classes too!

peace, love, & pigeon,

– lil’yoga junkie

 

You say there is nothing to do in Vineland? I call bull shit. Parkour, it’s not just butter.

Tiny, slim, muscular physique, it’s easy to see why Steb’s had me confused for Kacy Catanzaro…. You know Kacy, we’ve all watched her on YouTube in utter awe 10 million times. As the first kick-ass female contestant to obliterate the competition in American Ninja Warrior. If you haven’t seen this video yet, stop reading this blog immediately. I give you permission to pause and check it out….NOW! Ladies, this is the type of girl we should ask our daughters to becomes obsessed with. Enough of this Barbie, crack addicted Disney nonsense. Strong, independent, and goal oriented. As your resident yoga junkie one of my mantra’s I live by is a strong body makes a strong mind. Am I in good shape? Only if the shape is round. Am I in optimal emotional balance….sometimes. Do I try to make healthier decisions every single day? Yes.  Do I also think that all physical exertion should be balanced with caramel swirl ice cream…..yes. Therefore, Kacy has swung onto my list of fitness idols in record time as a woman I should try to be more like. Now, how did I become more like Kacy? I met Stebs.

Steven Solof, aka Stebs loves a good adventure so we kind of go together like Ranch dressing and Siracha (yum). He heard about my blog and said, “hey, would you want to come with me to a parkour class?” I paused and thought, I didn’t know they had a class about artificial butter?…then I realized that I was thinking about Parkay because I’m a fat kid and he was talking about the sport. At this point in my life wisdom has taught me to think before I open my mouth because sometimes I’m a little slow to the drawl. Of course I replied to his request with an ever so excited YES! YES! YES! YES! What far off land did we have to go to for this class you ask? Vineland. The facility is within walking distance from my house (and the ice cream place…coincidence? I think not).  So it was a date. Me and Steb’s were off to leap over ALL THE THINGS!

By the way, Parkour by lil’yoga junkie definition is the bastard child of gymnastics and skateboarding. Without the skateboard. A person participating needs to develop technical skill of a gymnast but the ability to improvise using out-door scenery like a skateboarder.

I arrived at the gym early to scope out the digs. Plus, I’m kind of crazy about being on time for things. Took a look around but I didn’t see any “tatted up delinquents” as one would assume was involved in such tom foolery. Instead, I was in a fully functional gymnastics studio and then, like a vision, I found one! The parkour delinquent of my dreams ear gauges and all! He was a man about my age coaching a teen through her back hand spring. Focused but thorough the girl would “throw her trick” and he would critique. Extremely kind and patient with her, an admirable trait of any good teacher (obviously he’s worked with teenage girls before because they are the trickiest of all beasts to try to critique because at any moment they can break into tears). From watching, it was obvious that in this world, repetition is key for stamina and endurance.  At that moment I could tell that this was going to be more than learning how to jump over a fence with style. Ken Cebulak was totally legit and I couldn’t wait to take his class.

A few minutes later the gym cleared out and a parade of boys walked in. Shaking hands, chattering about the new stunts they wanted to try, and finishing up the paper work at the front desk they then began to disperse onto the equipment. Oh, yea, Stebs was late…Thanks Stebs. Coming from a traditional dance background it’s hard for me to grasp the concept of improvisation. I was taught what to practice, when to practice and to stay in line. In a sport like this, all that crap goes out the window because creativity is key. Our coach, Kenny Cebulak was here to bring you through the basics and to make sure that you were practicing safely. He provided support when asked for and would intervene when necessary.  Other then that, a major part of learning how to parkour is interacting with fellow student’s. The community is accepting and playful. We were all there to improve but we were all at a different starting point. It kind of reminded me of yoga class, there is no competition, we were all there to help each other get better at our own practice. It helped me to feel at home.

Once Steb’s decided to show up (thanks Stebs) he brought me through his routine. First, we braved the rock wall. (Kenny showed me that the closer your hips are to the wall, the better stability you will have). Then we did various other upper body strengthening exercises. This is much of the reason I had trouble bringing my tea-cup  to my face or doing anything that required a pinch grasp. I think he quickly realized that his regular work out would be interrupted for the day because there was no way I was going to spend the next two hours doing pull ups. Not when there is runway sized trampolines and giant blue squishy ball pits to jump in.

Before I went too crazy Ken brought me through the basics to quickly assess my ability. Backward rolls, back bends, kart wheels, he had some pointers about all of these things. Then he recommended that I start by practicing my front flip into the squishy blue pit of fun. So I did just that.

As far as nontraditional workout’s go, this was intense. I was sweating like crazy, using all kinds of muscles and not once did I think  “Oh, I’m bored”. This is a common thought for me while at a traditional gym. I had a blast. And it costs as much as a movie ticket! If you have a taste for adventure. This is definitely the place for you. With every pass I became stronger and more confident. A few more classes and I’ll be the next ninja warrior, just like my home girl Kacy.

While reflecting I keep reminding myself that this is what working out should be like. I should look back and smile in anticipation of my next class. Not dread the thought of the same old boring routine. Another memory I thought was really cool and worth sharing is that there was a teen there that didn’t necessarily fit the traditional parkour “type”. She was missing her right forearm from the elbow down yet she had a smile from ear to ear and was doing her thing. She instantly nabbed a place on my list of kick-ass girls, right next to Kacy. A remarkable reminder that we create our own barriers in our life. When someone makes you feel that you can’t participate or accomplish because you’re “different”. Flip them the bird and try to do it anyway. You can’t succeed without trying. It’s just not possible. Plus, who made that douche the speaker for what you can and can’t do? Do they have some sort of certification in your business? Exactly.

Recommendations:

This class is for everyone, however, you MUST KNOW YOUR BOUNDARIES. If you are a beginner then act like it!

You can practice with, or without sneakers. I do think you should wear clothing that is easy to move in.

 

If you want to give this class a try, Ken Cebulak teaches parkour at airborne gymnastics academy three times a week. Children’s classes are on Saturday evenings. He has been practicing gymnastics, and martial arts for 15 years. More details can be found at airborne-gym.com or by calling (856)-507-1700

After class sweaty selfie!

 

Check out the rest of my pictures and videos from this adventure at http://www.facebook.com/lilyogajunkie

Not flexible enough for Yoga? Yin you are!

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“Let it go, let it go”, now that I think about it…it’s kind of ironic that the character singing this song is a frozen, uptight, ice queen. I’m sure we all know someone a little frigid in nature who could implement a bar or two of this beloved Disney song in their lives. Not saying that anyone has ever accused me of being a little frosty….but if they did…I’d sing it…OK brain…time to FOCUS.

Now what do these lyrics have to do with yin? What is a yin? If you would have asked me that a few days ago I would have looked at you and asked if you have developed a st-udder. Come to find out yin was recently introduced at my home studio as a new yoga class.  Taught by a truly talented yogi friend Jenn Veale on Tuesdays, this alone was reason enough for me to give it a go.  As with most things I do, I didn’t ask any questions and blindly went to class thinking “Hell yea, new poses. I can dig it”. Then I arrived Tuesday at 7, with kermie (my mat), and a cool bottle of water in hand. I was ready for whatever yin thought it was going to throw at me (hubris could be a flaw of mine). Anywho- I laid kermie out like I usually do in class and then something unexpectedly AWESOME happened! Jenn handed me a blanket. Insta flash back to kindergarten, it’s totally nap time! Savasana  prep? This early? SCORE!

Class began and Jenn started to explain what the purpose of a yin class is. Come to find out the word references the yin-yang symbol we are all familiar with from 1990’s Lisa Frank folders or temporary tattoos. The symbol of balance. Instead of the push we actively give ourselves in a common flow class, in a yin class we have to let it go. Yes, Queen Elsa, we are letting it go because sometimes we just gotta do our own thang. Yin style. We put ourselves into seated stretching poses and were guided by Jenn to release any active muscle stretching. Passive actions only. We aimed to release mind and body and let our muscles gently relax into the stretch. In this practice we want the fascia to release naturally, allowing permanent strides in flexibility. For those of us who didn’t give a shit in biology class, fascia is the connective tissue that binds the layers of the body together. Have you ever tried to pull the skin off of a chicken thigh and were met by fierce opposition? Yea, that weird layer holding the skin to the muscle is the fascia! Hurray science!

As always, breath is extremely important. We placed ourselves in the pose and then focused on the breath. When you focus on your breath it does two very interesting things; it releases anxiety (hence why smokers are always more relaxed after a cig), and it brings oxygen to the muscles which aids in the whole stretching process. Our bodies need oxygen to stretch…who knew? I’ve come to the conclusion that this class is kind of like the equivalent of taking a multivitamin in the morning. It’s universal, everyone can benefit from it. The triathlon training mad man, weight lifters, the physically disabled, and even you. Yes, you. The person who isn’t flexible enough to get into yoga. The person who can’t touch their toes and considers folding laundry a good triceps workout.

If you are active or want to be active. This is the class for you. Increasing your flexibility on and off the mat just makes you feel good and gives you opportunity for progression for your fitness goals, be them little or big. This class is being added to my weekly routine indefinitely.

I do have a few recommendations for those willing to give it a go.

1. Bring sweats. I find it easier to stretch when I’m warm.
2. If you are crazy hyper, go for a run first to get out the wiggles. This class is way calm.
3. Any level are welcome, no experience necessary.
4. Try to get as irritated as possible during the day at work so that the benefits are ultra apparent.
5. Bring a friend, or in my case Mama Malench. She has bad knees and needs to start slowly. (sorry to call you out mom but there are others in the same boat)

Yin is fabulous, take it as an individual class or in conjunction to your workout. Either way, it is a must do for anyone that enjoys thing’s like breathing. I’m positive that everyone reading this blog right now enjoys breathing. So thank you Elsa, for singing the catchiest song in the world and letting us know that some times we just have to let it go. Yin style.

 

Yin is taught by Jenn Veale at Peace, Love, Yoga every Tuesday night at 7:00 pm.

Schedule

Lincoln Plaza
3722 East Landis Avenue
Suite D
Vineland, NJ 08361*

 

peace, love, & pigeon,Lil’yoga junkie

 

Introducing, lil’yoga junkie! A short girl’s guide to the universe.

King Pigeon in Hilton Head SC

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Hello All!

So, for those of you that know me you’re probably wondering…”what in the world is that strange little woman up to”?  Well, I’ve decided to create a lifestyle blog. This blog is about what happens when plan B,C, and D go wrong and how to find joy in plan E. It’s my quirky twist on this crazy world. A comical journey by exploring my yoga adventures, food, anything up and coming (i.e. music&arts….go karts), more food, product reviews, and inspiration through the eyes of a yogi cynic. I welcome you to share your stories of inspiration, then share mine with your friends and family. Please, suggest places to go and things you’re curious about that are health related. I will gladly try it, take pictures, give my honest reviews, and mostly I hope it’s food…(free is for me)

 

Laugh with me, or at me. As long as you smile and gain new perspective on your day, I’ve made a difference.

 

A little about me, I’m a South Jersey girl born and raised. Like most in the area I have a huge family with three other siblings. As for birth order I’m number 2 of four (because I’m the sh*t!). You may get to know my siblings because the odds of them staring in my zainey adventures against their own will is about 500%. They might resist, but that is what duct tape is for….heh…heh……heh….love you Joe, Josh, & Beth…;-). I’ve been a dancer my entire life but like most, I ran into a few major speed bumps. Have you ever heard the saying “you stop growing when you reach perfection”? Nonsense. I know I’m awesome but I could have used a few extra inches. Not sure why my body was too lazy to keep going to a socially acceptable height. Then there were literal speed bumps…I developed into a beautiful curvy (busty) woman.  While Kimmy K rocks it, these attributes are not seen as an advantage in the dance world. As a teen, learning to strap everything thing down, and then put on a skin-tight costume, and be confident…uh…yea…about that. You try to be graceful in spanx. Let me know how that goes. Truth be told I had terrible body image issues as a teen and most of my adult life.  All self-imposed. All ridiculous. Leading to some really fun depressive episodes spanning weeks or even months.

I drifted through college as a social work major, loving the schooling but not necessarily enjoying the practice. I was a dance teacher at the studio I grew up in and had a niche working with kids. It didn’t take long for me to realize that it was more than shuffles and tendu’s. These chickies were just like me as a kid. Completely sensitive to every word my dance teacher uttered, then computed through my hormone crazed mind, and etched into my brain as fact. (EARTH TO TEENS….ADULTS SAY STUPID THINGS ALL THE TIME AND ARE JUST AS UNABALANCED AS YOU ARE…IF AN ADULT SAYS SOMETHING THAT UPSETS YOU…TALK TO A TRUSTED ADULT ABOUT THE SITUATION TO GAIN A LITTLE PERSPECTIVE). Everything I did affected my little chicks so I tried my best to make my student’s feel as confident and beautiful as dancers, and people. Now this kinda work, I could get down with. Why didn’t I stick with it long-term? Confidence was a major problem, not recognizing that my depression had stunted my journey, and still I felt that growing up meant finding a meaningful relationship, being the perfect girlfriend so that I could get married, and getting a desk job to pay the bills….if anyone else is becoming bored with that thought stream…join the club.

Oh, by the way none of that crap worked out. No meaningful relationship, not the perfect girlfriend, not getting married, I had the desk job….it barely paid the bills (whomp whomp).

I was treading water emotionally, mentally, and just keeping my nose above water with no land in sight. My life needed some major changes.  Cue the wrecking ball…Miley Cyrus style break down in 3…2…1….

My relationship of 9 years came to an abrupt end. My entire world stopped. Over a boy. Friends chose sides. Every aspect of my world changed and I had no say. People I loved and trusted for years were instantly gone. To say it was an easy transition would be like saying Godzilla would make a good house pet. I was devastated and paralyzed by my own emotions. It was awful…..at the time.

***thank you to my friends and family who literally held the pieces together and fought to help me get better.  A super special shout out to Mama Malench, Beth & Jenna. I have no idea how I would have started this amazing journey without you. (and Maizey)

Enter GROUPON. I love you groupon. Finding me discounts on things I want. And I do want ALL THE THINGS. I bought a 10 class package to Peace , Love & Yoga. Being a cynic and obviously in peak physical condition I was thinking….I hope this doesn’t blow. I give it two classes before I’m the yoga master. I can already touch my toes and I don’t need some hippie telling me that I need to be a tree to find peace. Instead, I was terrible….come to find out I didn’t even know how to breathe correctly. Thought I had that shit mastered….WRONG. But I became an addict. However, I prefer the word junkie, it designates a certain desperation and classiness that truly defines my need to practice. Natalie told me things like “this is where I was meant to be”, and to “create the peace I want to see in the world”.

I did something I don’t usually do. I listened. I learned. I began to love myself. I became me. Someone whose voice I locked into a little box and verbally abused for years telling myself that I was stupid, I was the problem, I wasn’t worth love. I wasn’t funny. I stopped being the abuser and started to heal. I started to turn my facebook page into a place of positivity using the motto “fake it till’ you make it”. I wasn’t happy but if I retrained my brain the think positive. Eventually it would be. (Thanks Natalie). Then I had other people telling me that my post’s make them laugh too! #win. I no longer accept people (or thoughts) that are cancers in my life. I cut that shit out  like Michonne Walking Dead style with a giant sword. No longer do I take friendship applications from Debbie Downer. Keep it steppin’ loser.

I’ve decided that no one will give you happiness. It starts from within, then permeates your aura and infects others. No std test required, no dripping, burning or blisters. This infection simply rocks your soul.  (if it does burn/drip or blister than consult a medical professional)

Not all post’s will be this sappy but I thought a little perspective on where I’m coming from would be a great kick off.

I leave you with a quote from the song “you’ve got time” by Regina Spektor…..

“taking steps is easy, standing still is hard”

Standing still is so hard. Not have a clear direction or goal is scary as hell. I encourage you to start taking steps even if they are itsy bitsy. Like a whore in AC that is obviously wearing heels that are too high to walk in. And just like that little suburban girl who has morphed into an AC hussy for the night you will have blisters, you will beg someone to carry you, it will be totally uncomfortable and it will take you foooorever to get anywhere. However, at least you are moving, and those heels are hot. Let me borrow them sometime? Trying new things will lead you to your journey. I promise. Try it with me sometime. I’ll take pictures of us falling and/or stuffing our faces, and paste it all over facebook. All so we can help inspire someone else to do the same.

King Pigeon in Hilton Head SC

Peace, love & pigeon,

lil’yoga junkie